You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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