I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
