he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
