I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
