i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize