YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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