whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
