I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
