TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
