Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
