My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
