she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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