You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
