Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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