i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
