i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
