I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish you could order shots online.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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