Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Someone signed my nipple.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
