I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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