so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
