i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
