She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
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Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.