In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel