On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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