Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

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  (443): her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way. http://tfl.nu/3gxo
  Replies (5) Good night (780) Bad night (1820)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.

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  (845): Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes. http://tfl.nu/5scb
  Replies (44) Good night (1304) Bad night (1774)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?

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  (802): Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever? http://tfl.nu/bljl
  Replies (88) Good night (5776) Bad night (864)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??

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  (361): Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture?? http://tfl.nu/iimu
  Replies (11) Good night (5803) Bad night (874)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1440) Bad night (5630)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.

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  (516): I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn. http://tfl.nu/x6iu
  Replies (25) Good night (3883) Bad night (2035)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.

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  (402): I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members. http://tfl.nu/ande
  Replies (19) Good night (1943) Bad night (3762)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

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  (860): I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax. http://tfl.nu/od6q
  Replies (11) Good night (874) Bad night (2790)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.

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  (902): It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped. http://tfl.nu/3q2q
  Replies (2) Good night (1554) Bad night (691)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!

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  (+64): He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?! http://tfl.nu/rdvw
  Replies (7) Good night (1116) Bad night (1623)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.

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  (936): I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining. http://tfl.nu/kdvr
  Replies (2) Good night (1491) Bad night (545)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.

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  (801): Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell. http://tfl.nu/ht90
  Replies (4) Good night (1330) Bad night (429)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!

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  (+44): Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas! http://tfl.nu/iawo
  Replies (0) Good night (727) Bad night (320)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.

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  (360): Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that. http://tfl.nu/0kao
  Replies (0) Good night (862) Bad night (321)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.

  (716): View more from New York

  The apple don't fall far from that tree.

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  (704): My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator. (716): The apple don't fall far from that tree. http://tfl.nu/rljy
  Replies (4) Good night (843) Bad night (431)

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