So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.