Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada

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(304): View more from West Virginia

But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.

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(301): View more from Maryland

He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

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(281): View more from Texas

And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.

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(305): View more from Florida

Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.

(407): View more from Florida

Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.

(305): View more from Florida

They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.

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(818): View more from California

10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel

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