i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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