If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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