I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
