He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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