I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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