I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
