im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
In America we eat man semen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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