And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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