Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
