Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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