I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
