Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
