3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
