i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
