I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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