paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
