According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You can't just leave with hair like that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
