Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
