I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
