just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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