he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.