you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.