Your dad touched me again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
