I forgot how hot balto sounded
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
