hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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