Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
