I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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