I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
