her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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