I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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