...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
