So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
