dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
