im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
