Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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