Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
