i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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