A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
