help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We talked him into tasing himself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
