are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
