Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You ruined the universe
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
