Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He shit in the fireplace
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