is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
