Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
